“It’s not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us” – Unknown
May this blog give hope and light to those who are struggling to find either.
As I write these blogs, I try to consider who is most likely to be reading this. This blog in particular is directed at those who have recently become under investigation for sex offenses by a law enforcement agency and have found themselves looking for help. ANY help at all. Rest assured you’re in the right place. And, while myself and RDAP Dan will never condone the behavior of Sex Offenders, we will offer a level of understanding that people are not perfect, make poor decisions, and have behavioral issues that need to be addressed by medical professionals and spiritual giants.
I want to tell you about the hours that followed my finding out that I was under investigation by the FBI. While it has been a year since these events, I can still feel the exact emotions I felt that day. And I’m glad I can, because I never want to forget them. After the officers left my house, I stood in my living room for some time unable to speak, move or think. I just felt one thing. FEAR. Fear of what my actions could possibly lead to. Here’s a short list of what terrified me; Losing my job, Explaining to my family what I done and losing their love and support, Explaining to my friends what I had done and losing their love and support, Losing my house, Losing everything I had worked so long for. Was I justified in feeling these emotions? You bet. I messed up, and I was facing some seriously life-changing consequences.
Before the officers left my house, they asked me if I had any firearms in my home. I told them I did and they offered to take them for safekeeping until my case was resolved. I wish I had said ‘yes’, because it didn’t take long for that fear I was feeling to seek an quick escape. Without going into too much detail, there came a moment where I had to make a decision; Take the easy way out and leave my family and friends with a great deal of sadness, pain, and unanswered questions, or face the music. I put the gun down and decided to face the music. I’m so, so glad I did. This moment in your life FEELS like an ending. But I assure you with hard work and a little patience, this can be the beginning of a better, more free life, no matter the legal outcome.
I’m going to tell you something you may not believe right now, but I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. Your family and friends would rather know about your crimes, deal with them in their own way, forgive you and continue loving you, then see you end your life with issues unresolved. If you are under investigation for sex offenses and have firearms at home, I encourage you to pack them up and take them (legally transported) to your local police department. Tell the officer at the front desk that you are under criminal investigation and would like to surrender your firearms until the case is resolved. They will take them and keep them locked up until you can safely pick them up. This is a service that all police departments offer in an effort to protect the community. They won’t ask questions except perhaps to see your license.
That first night, I laid in my bed and watched YouTube video after YouTube video about life in prison for sex offenders. Perhaps you’ve done the same? Perhaps you heard Big Herc mention getting your wig split one too many times? If so, you know these are not videos that calm the soul or bring any sort of peace to your heart. They are anxiety-inducing, toxic, and often misleading videos there for mostly poor entertainment. More importantly, they are not what you need. Turn them off. If you can’t sleep and you need something to watch, you’ll find RDAP Dan’s videos uplifting, entertaining, informative, and if you let them, life-changing.
To end this blog, I want to give you a checklist of 10 things that you should do in the first 24 hours of finding out you are under investigation. These are my suggestions alone, but i do hope you take them.
- Write a list of the 10 most important people in your life. Next to their names, write their telephone number and their email address. This serves two purposes. First, it’s nice to have a list in front of you of people that you love and love you. More importantly, if you are taken into custody sooner than you thought, you’ll have that list to be able to contact them.
- Get to a book store and buy one book. You’ll thank me later. The book is entitled ‘Awaken The Giant Within’ by Tony Robbins. The quicker you get off the ground and work on improving yourself, the quicker you’ll find peace and resolution.
- If you haven’t found a lawyer, do a google search on lawyers in your area that specialize in cases of your nature. Make a list of at least 5 lawyers and call them as soon as possible to set up an interview. You need representation, and you need good representation. My next blog will be about what to ask a potential lawyer in your first meeting. With these questions, you’ll know if they’re a good fit or not.
- Hire RDAP Dan as YOUR prison consultant. I don’t get paid to say that. You’re going to need the support that comes with being his client in order to have the very best outcome possible in your given situation.
- Read all my blogs from the beginning. I may not have been exactly where you are, but probably pretty close. I can relate, and I aim to help.
- Take care of any doctors appointments that you need and fill prescriptions. If you take regular medication, get your refills or new prescriptions if yours are running out. While we hope for the best, if you are taken into custody or asked to self-surrender, you’ll want the most up-t0-date prescriptions to show medical at the facility you are at. Also, if you have any dental issues, tell your dentists office that you need to be seen immediately and take care of these items.
- If you are not seeing a therapist, seek one out. You are already under investigation, so you can be open with a therapist about what you are going through. Having law enforcement pick apart your life causes a great deal of anxiety and stress. You NEED to talk to a third party about the stress you’re under and find positive ways to redirect that stress.
- Start your community service now. Find a charity in your area that offers community service and begin going as much as you can. Before work, after work, weekends, days off. I worked at a food bank for several months and gained so much from doing so. Volunteering is good for the soul, gets you out of the house and in the service of others. If the time should come where a judge is reviewing your case, your initiative to volunteer may come into consideration in determining your outcome.
- Ensure you have your birth certificate and Social Security card. If you don’t, get them as soon as possible. More in the ‘practical’ column, having these items can help you a great deal if you should be taken into custody. Put these two items together with your list of loved ones.
- Breathe. Take some long walks. Enjoy nature. Smile. Your road ahead may be unclear, but never forget your ultimate outcome is in your power to determine.
In closing this blog, I want to reiterate that crimes of a sexual nature are especially serious and can leave lasting impacts on its victims. As you go through this journey, I hope you can, as I have, come to this realization. Sex offenders, including and perhaps especially those dealing with CP, need to come to grips with the fact that they are not the victim, irregardless of their past. Rather, their actions create victims. The trade, viewing, purchase or production of this media is NOT tolerated by society, by law enforcement, and ultimately, by a higher power. Healing from this addiction isn’t easy and takes giant steps of faith, but it IS possible and necessary.